CONFUSION

Confusion.

i don't know where the confusion begins. or why it can not end. perhaps it starts with the stairs- because we can not find a first floor apartment in close proximately to Phray's oldest son and daughter in law (who provide respite for Ywi and I) we are bound to our second floor apartment at this time. Each time we must take Phray to an appointment we navigate the stairs in the picture you see below. We gather up the folks in the community and carry him like a pig in a blanket- up and down the stairs; Perhaps THE CONFISION starts with difficulty of our living situation- the carpet, navigating a hoiyer lift through the narrow halls of 700 square feet at best; the inability to access the bathroom to properly bathe Phray; the inability to get the wheel chair through the door frame- the fact there is no money to run the AC in the heat of the summer and we don't trust the duct work here even if we had the funds to do so; the hardness of heart of the landlord's refusal to take up the carpet and lay down linoleum to cut down on the odor and make navigating the lift and the wheelchair easier; Perhaps the confusion starts with the fact that Phray's insurance (Coventry Cares) denied him from the local rehab hospital simply because he is weak although the rehab hospital and staff hospitalist approved him; or that I seem to know more about navigating a system of help, clinical continuity and follow through than those PAID to do so;  Perhaps the confusion begins with my own chronic back pain in the form of a pinched nerve at T-4 running straight down the entire right side of my body, leaving only Ywi to do the heavy lifting of his Father. When  see his face and I feel so helpless. 

FOR IN THIS CASE… DESPITE HIS SHIRT YOU SAW IN THE PREVIOUS POST "SIZE DOES NOT MATTER"… IT REALLY DOES

clarity.

What is clear is God's love throughout the confusion. When we arrive home from the hospital and we run around our complex looking for help from anyone to carry Phray up the stairs to his bedroom- the people come when we call- if they know us or not, of they are Karenni, or American or Hakka or Zo or Zo Mi or Karen or Catholic or Church of Christ or Baptist or Bhuddist or anything else. What is is CLEAR is my 2 1/2 year old son's and 11 year old daughters compassion for a man they have known only eight weeks. This is the work of God's love in our lives. The first time He met Phray in the hospital, my son extended his hand to Phray and  held on tight. Now he kisses his head each day and compares diaper sizes and who poops at what times and how often. They are brothers in Christ, one 2 1/2 and one 69. Phray and JJ. Ywi tends to his Father and I tend to JJ. People in the health care world are continuously shocked when say we will not put Phray into a nursing home. I remember five years ago when I stopped working. I could no longer bear to allow someone else to raise my children. No more than Ywi can bare to give his Father's care to a stranger. 

Clarity comes in the form of miracles. He nearly died twice in the hospital. When Phray arrived home over 6 weeks ago. He could not swallow. He was completely paralyzed. He now swallows and is no longer paralyzed. He ate by mouth for the first time two days ago without choking with the assistance of "Thick- It". Phray has times of lucidity and times of being completely infantile. He vacillates between memories of yesterday and years ago- he lives in the world and he lives in the sky. He was so clear in the hospital when he said to me through Ywi interpreting…

"When I am better, I want to go to the church with you and your son together every week"

For now Ywi and I will do the best we can to seek clarity and remain focused and straight despite the confusion- we do our best to live in the sky. We ask your continued prayers for our families daily, here and abroad as we remember yours.

the stairs 

the lift. the carpet. the hallway. the bathroom- in the back. 

phray waits for team of volunteers to help carry him upstairs before the storm

size matters "sometimes" 

Say Reh, Ywi (Karenni) and Friend (Karen) help get Phray back in bed after  trip to hospital 

the amazing and talented Joe from Medical Center Home Health team who helps us every time! Thank you Joe

Ywi's words: "I wish I was big like Joe and I can just carry my Dad anywhere, every time, then I am so happy! "

sad realities of food systems and healthcare in the US

Natalie and Phray have a thumb war- she has a true servant's heart- the gentlest person I know next to Ywi : ) 

Father Joseph Breen of St. Edwards Catholic Church in Nashville, TN where a large Burmese community worships- Father Breen reminds us each Mass how fortunate we are as Americans to be born into a country where water and food are in abundance and how lucky we are to be born into a country where we can access these basic needs and these ought to be God given to ALL people but as Americans we forget these are NOT and we shall always be mindful of those with us here and abroad that struggle daily for simple basics of life. Blessings of material are to share, he always reminds us. 

to lead is to serve

soul books

karenni american catholic shan buddhist home of GOD where there is room for us all to LOVE each other

Vocation & Discernment

VOCATION has been painful for me. My vocation is SOCIAL JUSTICE, SERVANT LEADERSHIP. No matter the population or the circumstance, the overarching common denominator of my life has been a deep compassion for people. 

INTUITION guides my every waking moment and directs each step of my day. A STILL SMALL VOICE of God consciousness, ever wrought with a gamut of emotions and waves of inspirations of ideas that will never come to fruition, but never the less I am compelled to speak them out and send them on the way into birth of a potential reality, no matter who executes the outcomes.

As people of God, we each CREATE by speaking out those possibilities swimming in our minds. We each create as we connect and share those possibilities  however big and however small. Take solace in the confusion, knowing that GOD The Father Almighty created our hearts and souls and bestowed our intellect. That he knew us, yet even before we were formed. He sees our beginnings and endings and every middle, in between.  

Much like Phray's transient state of infantile mentation and his full formed personality, I am living above the world and end the world. It is a state of confused joy with a deep reliance on God to bring me smoothly through the transitions- I rely on him to integrate my being and the blessings he has given me providence over. Blessings of my children and of leadership and of being an example of his LOVE.  

APRIL 10th, 2014 after months of inner turmoil I could not explain and questioning of why the structures I had dedicated myself were falling apart, personally and professionally, I responded to a call for service. When in pain, help another person. This method is tried and true and it never fails. 

I was asked by a friend to tend to Phray in the hospital. I knew nothing of his situation and myself was grief stricken over certain circumstances of my life. In a state of complete dependance on my Holy Father and Holy Mother, I responded as I always do where Karenni people are concerned. I had only minimal knowledge of who Phray was. Two years earlier I watched him prepare a chicken for the Karenni cultural practice of "divining" chicken bones (more on this later). I recalled watching him gently and slowly crush the chicken in the hallway of the apartment of my friend- the apartment across the hall from the one where I now I live. I remember watching his calm. I remember watching the calm of the chicken. I remember the experience two years prior of seeing an old man's gentle spirit as he absorbed himself in a culture as ancient as the Gong and as solid as the matured Bamboo stands from which he came. I remember seeing the cross hanging from his neck.  
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The last five years of my life has been dedicated to the Karenni people (along with support to other groups of native ethnic groups from Burma (now called Myanmar), Somalis and those from Congo and Tanzania). I helped to establish the Burmese Ministry at Holy Spirit Catholic church here in Bowling Green, under the direction and supervision and partnership of Rev. Father Steve Hohman and Rev. Father Jerry Riney. 

A new convert myself in 2005, I began to understand my vocation to the fullest extent ONLY in recent months. God's work and my drive to be his arms and legs for social justice has reached far into our Bowling Green community. This reach began with the formation of a small social justice ministry called CEDARS (Center for development Acculturation and Resolution Services). Big dreams and high hopes led my vision for CEDARS and was the energy source for my inspirations and aspirations. CEDARS gained volunteers, support and respect and even secured a grant in partnership with our local University, issued by Catholic Charities- which houses the Kentucky Office for Refugees. The programs started by CEDARS had a dramatic and lasting effect on how the international community is treated more justly here in our town. This is evidenced by what can be called "the ripple effect". 

Some months ago, I began to hear a very powerful call in the moments just before the Eucharist. I heard Our Lord tell me to continue assisting the Karenni people and all those who asked my help, no matter the cost, no matter the uncertainty of worldly survival (i.e. a 9a-5p JOB). Answering this call has been a source of constant fear, guilt. I used the measures of success in the world as an inaccurate method to judge the validity of His call in my heart. Despite the circumstances  of my life, pointing toward this more worldly path, I listened, I heard, I felt, I watched. And on April 10th, 2014- Discernment ended- He revealed the mysteries of His call to my heart. 

GOD SPEAKS SLOWLY AND QUIETLY OVER A PERIOD OF TIME


WE NEED TO PATIENTLY LISTEN IN ORDER TO HEAR THE MESSAGE

BEING PATIENT AND HAVING GOOD LISTENING SKILLS 
IS SOMETHING THAT WE NEED TO WORK AT EVERYDAY.

GOD HAS AN IMPORTANT TASK FOR EACH OF US. HE OFFERS US THE ABILITY TO NOT ONLY RECIVE HIS GRACE BUT ALSO PARTICIPATE IN THE CREATION PROCESS.WE HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO HEAR WHAT GOD IS ASKING US AND UNDERTAKING THAT TASK. 

"LORD I AM NOT WORTHY THAT YOU SHOULD ENTER UNDER MY ROOF"